Arkansas

A Redneck Corkscrew…

Posted on by Megan

…and other Christmas shenanigans.

I’m baaaaaack!! After a 2 week holiday blogging hiatus I’m back at it and ready to see what’s to come in 2011!  Let’s start 2011 with a recap of my holidays, shall we?

Every year, I travel to my tiny hometown of 3606 people in Southwest Arkansas to spend Christmas in my childhood home. This year I spent 3 days having lots of cable and internet free family time around roaring fires. We baked, attended my church’s “candlight” service on Christmas Eve, and exchanged Snoop Dogg jokes while driving around looking at Christmas lights.

On Christmas morning we awoke to the sound of Ottie’s electronic bird noisemaker, which chirps constantly until unplugged. I found it soothing and nostalgic, my sister – on the other hand – described it as cruel and unusual punishment. In either case, I knew that Ottie was looking over us smiling. Eventually, we got out of our warm beds and bounded down the stairs to unwrap our gifts while wearing our traditional Christmas Eve gift of new pajamas. Once we finished unwrapping gifts, my sister asked for three gift bags. Why? So she could wrap our gifts from her – she’s always prepared.

Next was Christmas breakfast, to which my parents thought mimosas would be a nice addition. Being the heavy drinkers they are, mom asked my sister and I to Google mimosas on our phones. Ha! A Google search? My sister and I could mix a mimosa in our sleep.

By the time dinner came around we had spent the day vegging on the couch reading, texting friends, and watching movies. But there was an unopened bottle of Riesling in the fridge that we (ok, my sister and I) wanted to open. Then we realized we had no corkscrew in the house. Being the scrappy folk we are, my dad picked through my mom’s craft cabinet for screws and pliers and my sister grabbed a knife and an ice pick.

We quickly realized that the ice pick wouldn’t work and resorted to screws and pliers for the most effective method of cork removal. The first try revealed that a longer screw would be needed, and after tightening the screw into the cork using a knife…

…my dad used the pliers to pull the cork out. Success!!

Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, and I guess it’s only fitting since we started the Christmas season drinking. 🙂

Sunday Shares

Posted on by Megan

 

Friday was my team’s Christmas party. It consisted of sugary cookies, meat candy, cheese dip, CatchPhrase, and dancing. And when I say dancing, I mean Wii Just Dance 1 and 2 and The Michael Jackson Experience (minus the plastic surgery and children). For the record, playing these games immediately after downing a plate of Christmas potluck goodies is not the best idea and since we played the dance games for 4 hours straight my feet still haven’t recovered.

I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my boring weekend of sitting on my couch wrapping presents and catching up on DVR, so it’s time to update you on my weekly Web Surf and Blog Stalk. Presenting this week’s Sunday Shares:

  • Damn You Auto Correct! – If you’re like me and own an iPhone, chances are you’ve had it “correct” your text messages. My current favorite one for my phone is changing morning to morbid and the to Tge. Nevertheless, this website compiles the best corrections as submitted by readers for your reading pleasure.
  • Carol of the Bed Intruder – Admit it, you LOVED the Bed Intruder song. Well, you better hide your kids, hide your wife, because Liberty University has turned it into a Carol and it’s fantastic. Run and tell that, homeboy!
  • Can this picture go on Facebook? – So technically this is over a week old, but it slipped through the cracks last week and deserves to be posted. My tweep @audcole made a very useful and hilarious flowchart to use before posting pictures on Facebook. I suggest you open it and share it with everyone you know.

Deck the Halls

Posted on by Megan

I love everything about the Holidays. The music, the food, and the family time. The decor.

Every year, my family begins decorating for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving.

We deck our old Victorian home’s halls with mistletoe balls.

We hang our needlepoint stockings on the mantle with care.

We set up the Christmas Village which my mom collected over several years.

We hang the tatted and crocheted snowflakes our Great-Aunt Lila and Great-Grandmother Ruth made for us for every birthday, anniversary, and holiday until they passed away.

We give the Baby Jesus his first sip of wine.

Oh wait, that’s so my sister and I can make it through decorating with our parents. [I kid, I kid.]

Every year, memories of decorating for Christmases past flood my mind. In fact, one of my earliest childhood memories is from this treasured time and involves the song, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams.

I was probably 2 or 3 and wearing a navy peacoat and saddle oxfords. My hair was probably in braided pigtails tied with red ribbon (courtesy of my mom), and we were decorating the house for Christmas just as we always have.

We keep the majority of our Christmas decorations in a closet under the stairs and my dad was in charge of getting out all of the boxes. Being Daddy’s Little Girl, I decided he needed help taking the decorations out of their boxes and putting them in their appropriate location.

God help him – my dad’s 6’8″ frame has had to contort to fit into a less than 3 ft tall space, in order to get all of our decorations out, for as long as I can remember. Well, until this year, when my sister took over this chore.

First was the box of Christmas lights for the front of our house. I pushed that big box down the hallway and out the door to the porch. Then came the garland box, which also got pushed outside. Next, was our stuffed animal head of Rudolph [I swear it’s not as brutal looking as it sounds] that we normally hang on the wall by the kitchen, but that year, I decided it should be displayed prominently on the front porch. The same went for the fabric Santa wall hanging, as it also got taken to the front porch.

Eventually, almost every item from every Christmas decor box and almost every item from that downstairs closet got taken to the front porch – including an old wooden tennis racket that was lying near the boxes by the closet door.

Apparently, I thought the Baby Jesus and Santa would enjoy playing tennis together.

Sunday Shares

Posted on by Megan

I’m done with graduate school for the semester and I had a virtually free Sunday afternoon to blog stalk while listening to Sting’s Symphonicities album. Which, by the way, you must have a listen – it’s such a unique take on some of his greatest hits and I highly recommend! Your ears will thank you, I promise.

Anyway, time to blog stalk means time to share with you a few of my favorite finds over the last week or so, in a little feature I like to call Sunday Shares.

 

Happy Holidays!

Posted on by Megan

I sort of have a reputation when it comes to the Christmas/Holiday cards I send out every year.

Or so I’m told.

You see, I’m a huge fan of paper pretties. I’m one of those people who can stand in the card aisle for hours looking for the perfect birthday card for a friend. So it should come as no surprise that, every year, I scour the Internet for unique cards.

Starting in October, I make it a point to find a card with a little something extra – an added sparkle here or a spinning ornament there. But this year I decided to try my hand at designing my own and I’m so happy I did!

I had bought several yards of canvas to make these lovely calendars as gifts, but grad school got in the way. I was sad and stuck with yards of canvas that I didn’t know if I’d ever use.

Then it hit me: Christmas Cards! Yep, I printed my cards on canvas this year. But not just that, I took it one step further and made the envelopes, too.

As one friend said after she received it in the mail: the card “did its job of making me feel inferior.” I guess operation make-my-own-cards was a success? 🙂

PS: Can you still call them cards if they aren’t printed on paper?

Holiday Gift Guide

Posted on by Megan

Still wondering what to buy that certain someone on your list? I thought so. Hopefully my Gift Guide below gives you some inspiration!

These are a few of my favorite things…

1. Tivoli Audio Model One AM/FM Radio from Anthropologie ($178), 2. Bag Vase from CB2 ($4), 3. Glass Piggy Bank from VivaTerra ($39), 4. Aquamarine Cushion Ring in 14k Rose Gold from Garnet Girl Designs on Etsy ($438), 5. Lost Empire Loungers from Anthropologie ($48), 6. Turquoise Fabric Flower Rosebud Earrings from cardinalhouse on Etsy ($16), 7. Nielsen-Massey Pure Vanilla Bean Paste from Amazon ($10)

My Christmas Playlist

Posted on by Megan

It should come as no surprise that I’m a music junkie and the Holidays are no different. Many songs make me nostalgic (go figure), while others simply provide yet another great beat to which I can bop my head. I’ve got classics from when my parents were kids and instrumental standards, holiday inspired rap and 80’s-style pop. Every. single. song. fills me with the spirit of Christmas.

It’s taken me a while to build up a Christmas music selection that I’m never sick of listening to, so I thought I’d share some of my favorite tunes with you. Happy Holidays!

Click the record below to listen to the playlist whenever you want to feel festive! 

The Advent Wreath

Posted on by Megan

The season of Advent is upon us.

It’s the time of year when families around the globe, who observe the liturgical calendar, gather in preparation for the celebration of the birth of Jesus at Christmas.

A time where families gather in church fellowship halls to build their own Wreath, which they will place prominently in their homes and light as a family throughout the weeks leading up to Christmas.

A time for Joy, Peace, Love and Hope.

A time when parents are full of joy because their children are able to light the candles of the Wreath in an environment of love and peace. Or, in the case of my parents, hopeful that their daughters would light the candles in an environment of love and peace.

You see, one year my sister and I weren’t so, um, loving or peaceful during the lighting of the candles. In fact, we had a bit of a tiff over whose turn it was to read the devotional and whose turn it was to light the candles.

And this tiff?

Well, let’s just say that in ended in a – ahem – well lit Advent Wreath.

As in, we set our family’s Advent Wreath on fire.
image via Jer86 on Flickr

White Elephant

Posted on by Megan

One of my old teams at work held a gift exchange at Christmas. The idea was that half of us would bring white elephant gifts and the other half would bring nice gifts – while staying within a budget of $20. I was tasked with bringing a white elephant gift and decided it would be best to look at local “junk stores” and flea markets to find the perfect gift. I spent hours looking before hitting the white elephant jackpot.

High on a shelf hidden amongst lots’o’junk, I saw it. The PERFECT white elephant gift. A HUGE figurine of a carousel horse, I’m talking at least 3 feet tall and 3 feet wide. It was painted in pastel shades of pink and purple, had fake pearls stuck all over, glitter accents, tulle wrapped around the base and neck, and a fantastically shiny gold pole going up the middle, along with a gold horn on its head.

It. Was. Ugly.

And, because it was so huge, finding a way to wrap it that made it look like a nice gift proved difficult, I had to creatively tape boxes together before gingerly wrapping it up and topping it with the prettiest bow I could make.

The next day, I hauled it to the party, and placed it in the gift pile. I was beside myself with excitement to see who would be the lucky recipient. We drew numbers to see in what order we would pick (or steal) our gifts and the fun began. About mid-way through, someone finally picked my gift, opened it carefully, and looked shell-shocked when they realized what they had just received.

It. Was. Classic.

Then they wanted to know who in tarnation brought the gift and why.

I explained, through fits of giggles, that I spent hours at all the various junk stores and flea markets in town looking for the perfect white elephant gift, and when I saw the unicorn I had to have it – because it was just so ugly and no one would possibly want it. Just as I finish my explanation another co-worker excitedly pipes up and says, “My sister loves unicorns. She collects those figurines!! She’ll love it!” Inevitably she steals the white elephant gift to regift to her sister.

And me? 2 years later, I’m still working on pulling my foot out of my mouth…

Thank You

Posted on by Megan

Dear Faithful Blog Readers,

[all 3 of you]

In the spirit of Thanksgiving – thanks!

Thanks for falling for my shameless self-promotion via Twitter and Facebook. Thanks for reading my senseless southern ramblings. Thanks for commenting on, sharing, and retweeting posts you enjoyed.

Thanks for allowing me to be myself through my writing.

I can only hope that my blog provides you with a glimmer into my life as a mid-20s, born and bred, Razorback-obsessed, Southern gal, while educating you on the art of cheese dip, bringing a smile to your face, and, above all, giving you a laugh when you need it most.

Thanks for your loyalty. Because of you, in just 11 short months, my lil’ old blog has had 2,213 hits.

I guess you really do like me!

 

 

 

Confessions of a Real Housewives Addict

Posted on by Megan

Full disclosure?

I’m addicted to the Real Housewives franchise of reality television.

As in, you say Orange County and I still shed a tear over the breakup of Jo and Slade. New York City? I immediately think of the crazy catwalk Ramona did in a fashion show. Atlanta? I think of the dysfunctional relationship of Kim and Big Poppa. New Jersey? Someone needs to get Danielle a straight jacket. Beverly Hills? The home of $60,000 children’s birthday parties. D.C? The party-crashing Salahis.

This obsession for the RH franchise is pointless, but it’s like a trainwreck, I. Can’t. Stop. Watching. Unfortunately, the effects of RH last much longer than the 1 or 2 hours it’s on each week. Take, for instance, this summer when my family drove through Georgia en route to Kiawah Island, South Carolina. We pass through Atlanta and the only thing that goes through my head is Don’t be Tardy for the Party.

Apparently, the trend for Real Housewives turned [bad] singers has continued. Countess LuAnn, from New York City, released Money Can’t Buy You Class this spring and Danielle, from New Jersey, released a collaboration with Lori Michaels aptly titled Real Close this summer. Fortunately, though not all the housewives are wannabe recording artists. Kandi, from Atlanta, was a member of the group of Xscape and is a Grammy-award winning singer/songwriter. She released Fly Above last fall. So there is some street cred mixed in.

But it’s not just my music collection that’s seen the effects of RH…

This obsession has also influenced what comes out of my kitchen, thanks to the Skinny Italian cookbook by Teresa Giudice, from New Jersey. While she’s most notably known for table-flipping in the general direction of Danielle and shoving Andy Cohen down during the reunion special this past season, she’s also a “writer”. Who knew?

I picked up the cookbook during a regular Barnes & Noble browse with Adam as a joke, just to make him uncomfortable as we meandered around the store. Then, I started looking through the recipes. Oh, the recipes. My mouth was literally watering as I read through the ingredients for each dish. I was all “Adam! Look at this!”, “This sounds amazing!”, “OMG I HAVE to make THIS!”. Begrudgingly he took a look, and, to my surprise, said “That does sound good!”

Of course, then I HAD to buy the cookbook and I’m so glad I did. So far I’ve made 3 dishes/sauces from it and all of them have been exceptional, but my favorite is the Arrabbiata (or Angry Sauce) for pasta.  It’s spicy, but not light your tongue on fire. It’s got a great flavor depth to it and tastes even better the next day as leftovers.

Arrabbiata Sauce
from Skinny Italian

Ingredients

  • 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
  • 1/2 medium onion, chopped
  • 4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
  • 1 tsp crushed red pepper
  • 3 1/2 cups Basic Tomato Sauce (recipe below)
  • 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
  • 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
  • 2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley

Directions

  1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat.
  2. Add onion and garlic and cook until the onion is translucent. About 5 minutes.
  3. Stir in red pepper.
  4. Stir in Basic Tomato Sauce, lemon juice, and pepper.
  5. Bring to simmer.
  6. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, until lightly thickened. About 15 minutes.
  7. Simmer up to 40 minutes, the longer it simmers the hotter the sauce.
  8. Stir in parsley just before serving.

Yield: approximately 3 3/4 cups, enough for 1 lb pasta

Basic Tomato Sauce
from Skinny Italian

Ingredients

  • 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
  • 28 oz can of tomatoes, crushed or diced in their juices
  • 1/4 cup tomato paste
  • 2 tbsp fresh chopped basil

Directions

  1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat.
  2. Add tomatoes and tomato paste. Bring to a boil.
  3. Reduce heat to medium-low and add basil.
  4. Simmer for about 10 minutes to blend the flavors.

Yield: approximately 3 1/2 cups, enough for 1 lb pasta

Give Thanks!

Posted on by Megan

Turkey-induced comas.

Seconds [and thirds] of a bubbling hashbrown casserole.

Buttery rolls.

Pumpkin Pie.

Pecan Pie.

Apple Pie.

Thanksgiving is upon us and I can’t be happier. Surprising as it may sound, it’s not the food that I look forward to most about Thanksgiving, it’s the time spent with family and friends. The time after the paper plates are put in the trashcan (Don’t judge, we have about half as many dishes to wash compared to you because of this), when everyone is recovering from a meal filled with boisterous laughter and staring in silence at a table covered in shellacked decorative vegetables.

It’s this time when everyone is quiet and together that I value the most. Even though our quiet time together may not last long and there’s still games to be played, it’s at this moment every year when I realize just how lucky I am. I have a family who loves and supports me and friends who laugh with [and at] me. I have a belly full of good home cooking and a smile on my face. I wish we could all be so lucky.

There’s a tradition in my family every Thanksgiving, and I’m sure it’s common among other families, where we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. What great perspective it gives us every year, to remove ourselves from the hustle and bustle of our busy lives and just give thanks. It’s magical.

One year [though no one else in my family remembers this, so who knows if it actually happened or if I had a random dream that I confused with reality] someone went above and beyond the typical “I’m thankful for_____” after dinner spiel.

We received a thank you card in the mail. This wasn’t just your run of the mill “Thank you for ____ gift/gesture” card; it was a card thanking us for everything we had done in the last year that had impacted this person. From a smile or hug to a gift and everything in between. Everything they could think of to give thanks that year involving us was meticulously written in the card. I don’t even remember if they sent this card at Thanksgiving or some other time during the year, but it left a lasting impression on a middle school-aged me.

Imagine what the world would be like if we all had time to send a “Thank You” card to our nearest and dearest thanking them for everything they did for us in the last year.

True Life: Procrastinating Grad Student

Posted on by Megan

I came across a post I wrote several years ago for a short-lived collaborative blog with some friends. I’m now in my fourth semester of grad school (I took a break after my first semester to figure out what degree I really wanted) and while now it’s more DVR and needlework distractions than construction projects, apparently I’ll never learn NOT to procrastinate…

{Comments in brackets are my additional thoughts, 3 years later}

As most of you know, I began graduate school this semester and I’ve noticed some things about me and school have not changed. I still thoroughly enjoy procrastinating and the [seemingly] free time it affords me. Here’s a glimpse into one such night:

Monday night, 6pm: Opening the door to my apartment trying to remember what TV shows premiere that night. Oh yes, Chuck…AND The Bachelor…AND Dancing With the Stars. Awesome! I can get my reading done for class tomorrow during the commercial breaks and still enjoy the shows.

{I have no idea how I managed without a DVR back then. PS: I only watched Dancing With The Stars that season because I had recently purchased the show’s first workout DVD and was a bit smitten with Maks}

8pm: Chuck ends, first episode was really good…I might have to add this to my weekly lineup.

{Chuck didn’t stay in my lineup for long}

[hand drops highlighter, picks up remote, and clicks over to ABC for the end of Dancing With the Stars] Since I haven’t fully entered the 21st century yet I have to watch the shows live, gasp, I have no DVR. So sue me. I pick up my computer off my coffee cubes [not to be confused with coffee table] and begin to surf the internet. I needed a study break anyway.

{Still have the coffee cubes, still use the computer, now a MacBook, while I’m watching TV}

8:15 pm: What was it that I told Mom I needed this weekend? Oh yes, that’s right a black bookshelf, preferably one of those nifty little leaning ladder ones, to put in my bedroom. [fingers type walmart.com in FireFox] YES!!!! Wal-Mart has one for $39.99, perfect!!!! [fingers type bank’s URL to check balance] YES!!!!! I have money, I can go buy the bookshelf. [Body proceeds to get up off the couch and walk toward the door, purse and keys in hand]

{Now, it’s been 2 years, at least, since I’ve shopped in a Wal-Mart}

8:25 pm: I pull into Wal-Mart’s parking lot and head towards the furniture, pushing my buggy as I go. Dang! That bookshelf isn’t at this Wal-Mart. Determined to find something I like I press on.

8:40 pm: Find another bookshelf on sale for $20. [SALE = music to my ears] I embark on hoisting the 75 lb box into my cart by myself. Phew. Now I just have to get it into my car.

8:50 pm: Pull into my Apartment Complex and begin to pull 75 lb box towards my apartment door.

8:51 pm: [after getting 3 feet closer to my apt from my car] pant, pant, pant. Why did I think this was a good idea?

8:55 pm: Sigh. How in the Samhill am I gonna get this 75 lb box upstairs to my apartment by myself?

8:57 pm: Nice neighbor boy sees me struggling from his balcony and offers to help. Thank you Lord.

9:00 pm: Bookshelf is finally in my apartment. Construction commences!

9:20 pm: I’ve unloaded all pieces on top of my bed and begin to hammer and screw away until this monstrosity is complete.

9:25 pm: Why?!!?!?!!??!?!?!!?

9:40 pm: Bottom half is completed. Top half is gonna be a booger.

9:50 pm: Why?!!?!?!!??!?!?!!?

10:25 pm: Top half is attached to bottom half and now I have to turn the bookshelf over and attach the back.

10:27 pm: The pieces aren’t even…they don’t match up…argh. Maybe if I flip them around a bit…no…ARGH!!!!!!

{This reminds me of a similar construction project I embarked on with my friend Mandy. It involved a coffee table from IKEA and, 3 months later, it still has no drawers}

10:30 pm: Why do I have to put the back pieces on crooked? I hope this doesn’t look tacky when I’m done.

10:40 pm: 40 long minutes, a crooked back, and a small section of damaged drywall later the bookshelf is in place!

10:45 pm: Is this bookshelf crooked?!?!? DANG! I’m not taking it apart, it’s gonna have to do.

11:00 pm: OH CRAP!!!!! I had 50 pages left to read for class tomorrow….

{Back then, I actually had classes in a classroom. Now, thanks to the wonders of technology, I take all my classes online. It’s a sweet deal}

Tuesday Morning, 12:05 AM: Screw this [no pun intended], I’ve got to get up for work in 6 hours, I’m so done with reading. [arm reaches to turn off light] I’m sound asleep in 10 minutes.

So I ask you, why did I think that at 8:30 buying and constructing a bookshelf sounded like a good idea?

Oh, yeah! Because it was better than reading my graduate school articles.

Why I love to hate the Longhorns

Posted on by Megan

[or: Why you should never skimp on a statue budget]

Saturday night my dear friend Sarah IM’d me about a certain sports discussion board thread had gained her attention for over an hour.

Over an hour? Really?

I needed such a distraction because Adam had just left on a Transatlantic flight to Ireland and my thoughts have been known to go to the worst possible scenario when I have nothing else to think about. Plus there was this thing called grad school that I’ve been known to procrastinate. So with just over an hour until the Razorbacks schooled the Gamecocks, I clicked. And oh how happy I was that I did, because you just can’t make this crap up.

First, Sarah directed me to this: New Longhorns Legend Walk

Basically, directly behind University of Texas Co-Op a Legends Walk of the most legendary Longhorn athletes has been constructed.

Sounds grand enough, right?

Upon closer inspection you’ll notice that (based on the sport)  every. single. statue. is exactly the same, except for skin color. Same facial features even. And if you’re a basketball legend you’re lucky enough to look somewhat like Michael Jordan, and, in some cases, a white Michael Jordan. Or, if you’re lucky enough you might even get a wig! I mean, how awesome is THAT?

The discussion board thread that stole her attention for over an hour can be found here: UT Football, Basketball, Baseball & Golf statues behind Co-op

As you scroll through the 20 some odd pages you’ll see that people started creating Photoshop mashups of the statues in various scenarios, which got our wheels turning. Sarah and I started thinking of movie scenes, posters and pictures to put the statues in. I’d surprise her with a few ideas of my own and email my photoshopped masterpiece to her or she’d send me a picture link and I’d get to work on it, since she didn’t have Photoshop.

We continued this exercise all through the second half of the Razorback game and came up with what we thought were genius ideas. So genius in fact, that we found a similar thread on WooPig.net to post our creations on.

It’s possible that you don’t visit WooPig.net, or are too lazy to click through and find these lovely masterpieces. I totally understand, because who has time to find and read random sports discussion boards? Apparently Sarah and I do.

These Photoshop masterpieces deserve to be shared with the Interwebs.

At least in our opinion they do.

Before I share these, I need to say thanks to the UT Co-Op:

Thanks for funding the most hideous statues in the history of sports statues. This Hog fan sure loves an excuse to laugh at your expense. And yes, I’m fully aware the SWC no longer exists, but my parents raised me right.

OMG that there twister's gonna git me!!!

 

Run Away!

 

Why so serious?

 

Save me! Nutt's a'gonna git me.