Writing

English as a Third Language (ETL)

Posted on by Megan

For the last few months, I’ve volunteered my time as a literacy tutor at the local library. The students vary from native English speakers to immigrants – all of whom need to learn how to communicate and read for their job and day to day life. It’s been a rewarding experience for me and something I look forward to every week. I work with my student on sight words during each session, then switch into reading short stories from the provided literature.

Usually, I’ll go through the cabinets before my tutoring session begins to find a story for my student to read. Something that is on his level but also still challenges him. Two weeks ago I just happened to glance at the ESL (English as a Second Language) shelf and noticed a book titled A Field Guide to Southern Speech – A twelve-gauge lexicon for the duck blind, the deer stand, the skeet shoot, the bass boot, and the backyard bar-b que.

I kid you not.

I was flabbergasted. Not only because it was in the ESL shelf, but because it was stacked with the legitimate textbooks, not in the nonexistent joke and riddle book stack. Looking past the blantant misspelling of Arkansas (and every other southern state) on the cover, I discreetly placed the book in my purse to protect the innocent and examine further at home.

Now I wished I never had.

I know, as Southerners, many of us have a sort of slang that we use to communicate with our close friends and family. My slang has been known to be riddled with “fixin’ to” and “y’all”, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to teach an ESL student those words right off the bat. I also wish the worst word/phrase in this book was “ain’t”, but it’s not.

I weep for the students that possibly could have been taught English with this book and here’s some examples why:

chill wrens: young humans.

poultry: rhythmic, often rhyming verse

cain’t: contraction of can and ain’t.

toe up: extremely upset, overwrought.

hottern: a measure of relative warmth.

sea gulls: observe women.

yearn: not mine.

hyar: not thar.

narrow: ammunition for a bonarrow.

warsh: clean with soap and water.

dade: deceased.

yawl: second person plural pronoun. There is no singular.

Forget English.

Southern: It’s your second language.

Music Therapy

Posted on by Megan

This weekend was an odd one in my neck of the woods – weather-wise. I was happily traipsing around wearing a sleeveless shirt on Saturday, but by Sunday evening I was back to wearing a jacket. With the onset of what many are calling the Storm of the Century across one-third of the US I thought I’d share with you my source of escape from the winter blahs, because even a scarf-loving girl like myself can suffer from them.

Music is my escape – its ability to change my mood is incredible. Just last week, I mentioned that Jazzercise nurtures my soul; however, there are times when my schedule doesn’t allow me to attend Jazzercise. When that happens, I turn to one of two places: My iTunes library or Songza. When I’m at work, nine times out of ten you can find me with headphones in, listening to Songza and bopping my head. When I’m at home, you’ll typically find me listening to iTunes while catching up on my iPad, occasionally taking solo dance breaks to my awesome tunes. Today I thought I’d share a few of my random musical escape routes with you. Enjoy!

Playlists via Songza

Oscar Winning Songs

90s One Hit Wonders

80s One Hit Wonders

Love Actually

Florence and the Machine Inspired

Promises, Promises

Posted on by Megan

Earlier this week, Adam asked me to make a promise about our impending future together. A promise that spawned from a fear of his.

His fear? That I would turn into a Real Housewife once we were married.

My promise? I won’t become a Real Housewife.

Let me tell you, his fear was very real and written all over his face. Meanwhile, I’m trying to stifle my laughter because he actually believes I might turn into one.

As you probably know, I cannot tear myself away from the Real Housewives franchise. I follow every season, can discuss the episodes ad nauseum with anyone that will listen and have references pop into my head at random times throughout my day-to-day life. Maybe this explains Adam’s fear for the future – our future.

Thankfully, after talking through it with him and getting to a point where he truly believes I won’t become one, we’re now able to joke about it. As further proof that I have no desire to become a Real Housewife, I thought I’d post my Top 10 Reasons here – should Adam ever need to be reminded in the future 🙂

10. I have no desire to have cameras shoved in my face, or my family’s face, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Nor do I have any desire to have my phone tapped, my innermost thoughts broadcast to the world, or my “confessions” spliced, edited, and taken out of context. I prefer my spoken thoughts, as stupid as they may sometimes be, to be unedited and taken at face value.

9. Sure I like pets who wear clothes, gosh they can be so cute! But it doesn’t mean I’m going to drop thousands of dollars on a pure-bred purse dog just because I can. I’ll take shelter dog instead, they’ll be just as cute and loving.

8. I can think of about 1,000 other ways I’d spend 3.5 million dollars instead of on a child’s third birthday party. 2nd home in South Carolina, anyone?

7. I drive a Nissan. Not a Jaguar, not a Mercedes, not a BMW or Hummer. I drive your typical run of the mill 4 door sedan and the most fascinating place it takes me to during the week is work. Plus, I hear working for anyone but yourself or in a family business pretty much disqualifies you from being a Real Housewife.

6. I will never feel comfortable spending $3,000 in a single shopping trip on a pair of jeans, a sweater, and a t-shirt dress for a child who is still growing! That’s why Target was founded.

5. Reunions with my girlfriends won’t involve Andy Cohen asking us to relive the drama and tell him how we feel. Instead they’ll involve drama-free drinks at Happy Hour or the occasional trip to NYC.

Just making sure you’re paying attention.

4. I have no previous connections with the mafia. I have never been a drug dealer – or tried drugs for that matter. I also have no “Big Poppa” relationship.

3. I will never understand why women want frozen, expressionless faces. Plus, facial expressions can be important when effectively conveying sarcasm, which I plan to do a lot of for the rest of my life.

2. I have no desire to become a one-hit wonder singing about parties for which I cannot arrive on time, class for which money cannot buy, or closets from which freaks emerge. The only time I will try to be a recording star is when it required of me on whatever wii game I am playing at the moment.

1. I live in Arkansas. Rarely, if ever, do gay men prance around in high heels and hot pants then come to my house to fix my non-existent wig for a night on the town in the dry county I call home.

What Jazzercise is not…

Posted on by Megan

I’ve mentioned a few times that I am a Jazzercise-aholic. It fuels my spirit, my muscles, and my mind. After seeing this video posted on the lovely blog of Kirsten Blowers I laughed hysterically, replayed it, then laughed some more.

Then I shared the video on Twitter and Facebook, calling it a hilariously inaccurate portrayal of modern Jazzercise classes. In short it is – I’ve never seen one leotard at my Jazzercise classes or, for that matter, dancing elephants. Today’s Jazzercise classes are addicting, not only because of the results you’ll get, but also because of the music, the choreography, and, of course, the AWESOME instructors. As soon as the music of a new class starts, I smile and start singing along to the tracks. I’m in the zone!

The Music

Jazzercise music today consists of some of the newest tracks from the hottest artists. Think Ne-Yo, Beyonce, Rihanna, KT Tunstall, Ingrid Michaelson, and the cast of Glee! In any given class you could go from country, to jazz, to hip-hop, to rock in the course of an hour. If your iTunes library is as schizophrenic as mine, this means you’ll feel like you’re working out to your own iPod and you won’t tire of one genre every time you go. This also means if you hate a song that’s playing (which I’ve never had happen) in 4 minutes or less a new one will start and chances are it’s a song you love.

The Choreography

Jazzercise consists of both cardio and strength training with a bit of stretching/flexibility mixed in. As an ex-dancer I find the choreography easy to follow and challenging, but don’t let a lack of dance experience deter you. I’ll venture to say the majority of members don’t have a dance background and they are still picking up the choreography as well as I am, sometimes better. The most important part is that you keep moving and have fun.

The Instructors

I’d be lying if I said that the instructors didn’t play a huge part in my Jazzerdiction. They greet me with a smile, make me laugh, keep me motivated, and encourage me when I need it. They take time to teach modifications to routines that still challenge you when needed and share healthy tips without shoving the information down your throat. They visibly LOVE teaching Jazzercise and their energy is infectious.

What are you waiting for? Go try out a Jazzercise class today, I promise you won’t regret it!

The Pressure…of a Playlist

Posted on by Megan

In today’s Internet world, it’s customary for the engaged couple to create a wedding website for their guests and being the music lovers that Adam and I are, we’ve decided to include a playlist on ours. A playlist of songs that sets the tone for our wedding and gives our guests a peek into our personalities.

This has proven more difficult than I imagined, mainly due to the fact that I’m known for my playlists. I have friends that ask me to create playlists for them from my eclectic mix of music and summing our wedding up in a single playlist puts some pressure on me. This pressure has caused me to ask Adam for his suggestions, since I want both of our musical preferences to be represented.

Unfortunately for me, his suggestions have been less than helpful. His first recommendation was 99 Problems by Jay-Z, which really? Not so romantic OR appropriate for our guests. Then he scrolled through his music library and made the observation that the majority of his songs are sad ones. Given that his favorite song is Loser by Beck, I wasn’t shocked, but this also didn’t bode well for our playlist. He continued through his library making recommendations of songs by Pearl Jam and Reel Big Fish. Again, no.

Our playlist made it nowhere. Fast. Which is why I turned to WeddingWire’s recommended song list.

If you’ve never thought to look at recommended wedding songs before, I highly recommend you peruse this site. I have never laughed so much in my life. Here are just a few of my favorites – that did not make the cut.

(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You – *NSYNC

Clair de Lune – If only this song didn’t remind me of the PixyLand website it would be a contender. But alas the guy in Florida who thinks he’s really Peter Pan is the last thing I want people thinking of when learning about our wedding.

Forever – John Stamos and the Beach Boys. Apparently Full House is a popular wedding soundtrack.

Kiss the Girl – Little Mermaid. 9 times out of 10, if you choose to walk down the aisle to a Disney song, you’re too young to get married. See also? Heart-shaped diamond rings.

And in case you were wondering, our website playlist still only has one song. So much for productivity.

Wintertainment

Posted on by Megan

See what I did there? Winter + Entertainment = Wintertainment. I’m a genius. Or bored.

Either way, the cold of winter is officially here and with it comes stretches of gray days, snow and/or ice and temperatures that are dangerously close to sub-zero. Yes, it gives me an excuse to wear scarves from my huge collection with my favorite pea coat, but it also causes me to start my days cursing as I open the door and head to work every morning.

Being a southerner, we take snow much more  cautiously than most – meaning schools cancel as soon as the first flake falls from the sky, drivers go no faster than 5 mph on clear roads, and 2 days prior to the frightful forecasted snow grocery stores are sold out of milk, eggs, and bread. You’d think we were preparing for the end of the world. Or something.

These snow days leave many paralyzed in their homes playing games with their family – until that gets old after a couple of hours – then catching up on DVRed shows or watching movies while snacking on popcorn (and cheese dip). Because of the snow days we’ve experienced in my neck of the woods over the last 2 weeks I thought it would be helpful to give you a list of movies that cure my stir crazy winter blues.

 

1. The Sound of Music – If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know this movie holds a special place in my heart, but it’s also the most perfect movie ever made – in my opinion – and one that I never tire of watching. Oh, who am I kidding? I quote and sing-a-long with it alone in my apartment. 🙂

2. Tortilla Soup – My favorite movie you’ve probably never heard of. Like Mexican food? Like romantic comedies? Like romantic comedies revolving around Mexican Food starring Hector Elizondo and also featuring Raquel Welch? Then you must  run out and find this movie. Just don’t watch it on an empty stomach, because you will watch it, you will get hungry, and you will wish you had smell-a-vision.

3. The Social Network – Yes, it JUST was released on DVD, but it’s easily become one of favorite all-time movies. Not only does it tell the incredible story of Facebook’s origins, but it also has an impeccable score. Plus, Jesse Eisenberg reminds me of Adam during the coding scenes throughout the movie. And, upon seeing in the theater, Adam jumped up and clicked his heels in glee walking back to the car.

He’s also going to kill me for posting that.

4. Father of the Bride – Perhaps it’s the fact that right now? My life currently mimics this movie. But if I’m being honest, I’ve always seen parts of Adam and me in the movie throughout our relationship and now it’s just magnified because I’m actually planning a wedding, making the guest list, finding a caterer, finding locations, and finding my Frank.

5. Chocolat – If you haven’t seen this before we can’t be friends. No, seriously. We can’t. That said, this is my go to movie when I’m tired of everything else in my collection. It’s like you take a vacation to France without leaving your couch. Must be the chocolate…or maybe the Johnny Depp factor 😉

What movies are your go-to favorites for curing the winter blues?

Operation: No More Beyonce

Posted on by Megan

Adam and I have been together for 3 years and for the last, oh, year and a half, I’ve taken to humming Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” in the car whenever we have a dull moment. In part because I love the song and its accompanying video, but also because it was about dang time for a ring to show up on MY finger. 🙂

I spent the week after Christmas  in Austin with Adam where we shopped, ate at some of his local favorites, drove around looking for an open cupcakery, watched “Top Gear”, and chilled. Rarely do we have a full week together, but when we do I treasure the time we spend together. Long-distance relationships are hard, especially when said relationship has been long distance for a year and a half.

All week, Adam had mentioned going to the New Year’s Eve fireworks downtown, but after we spent the day downtown shopping and saw how bad the parking and traffic was already getting, we decided to scratch that idea. We got back to his apartment and freshened up a bit so we could go “out on the town” for the night. A bit after 5 Adam said, “Let’s go,” to which I replied, “It’s only 5. We aren’t grandparents.” Then he said he wanted to go catch the last sunset of 2010. Okay then.

The two of us loaded up in his car and he drove us to Mount Bonnell. Mount Bonnell has a gorgeous view of Lake Austin and the amazing houses surrounding it and a view of downtown Austin (complete with an unfortunate view of the Texas Tower), as well as a beautiful pavilion where lots of tourists snap pictures or hangout. After we parked the car we walked up the ridiculously steep stairs to the summit. Mind you, I’m wearing cute pointy-toe ballet flats – because that’s what all experienced hikers wear.

At the top, Adam takes me over to a smaller somewhat private overlook and I notice we arrived at just the perfect time, because the sun has just begun to set and cast a pink hue across the sky. It was breathtaking. We stand there for a good while chatting about how pretty the view was and which houses on the lake I wanted him to buy me.

Hey, a girl can dream right?

Next thing I know Adam is PROPOSING!! TO ME!!! I don’t even remember everything he said leading up to the “Will you marry me” part but I remember being a bit surprised. In a good way. Right then and there I went from girlfriend to fiancée and I was beaming.

He did a good job on the ring too – even if he had a little help from yours truly. 🙂

I ended 2010 as Adam’s fiancée and I’ve spent every day of 2011, thus far, with a huge smile on my face, because I get to MARRY the most amazing guy I know!! Ah!

And yes, in case you were wondering, Adam called this whole proposal preparation “Operation: No More Beyonce”. He’s a funny one 🙂

A Redneck Corkscrew…

Posted on by Megan

…and other Christmas shenanigans.

I’m baaaaaack!! After a 2 week holiday blogging hiatus I’m back at it and ready to see what’s to come in 2011!  Let’s start 2011 with a recap of my holidays, shall we?

Every year, I travel to my tiny hometown of 3606 people in Southwest Arkansas to spend Christmas in my childhood home. This year I spent 3 days having lots of cable and internet free family time around roaring fires. We baked, attended my church’s “candlight” service on Christmas Eve, and exchanged Snoop Dogg jokes while driving around looking at Christmas lights.

On Christmas morning we awoke to the sound of Ottie’s electronic bird noisemaker, which chirps constantly until unplugged. I found it soothing and nostalgic, my sister – on the other hand – described it as cruel and unusual punishment. In either case, I knew that Ottie was looking over us smiling. Eventually, we got out of our warm beds and bounded down the stairs to unwrap our gifts while wearing our traditional Christmas Eve gift of new pajamas. Once we finished unwrapping gifts, my sister asked for three gift bags. Why? So she could wrap our gifts from her – she’s always prepared.

Next was Christmas breakfast, to which my parents thought mimosas would be a nice addition. Being the heavy drinkers they are, mom asked my sister and I to Google mimosas on our phones. Ha! A Google search? My sister and I could mix a mimosa in our sleep.

By the time dinner came around we had spent the day vegging on the couch reading, texting friends, and watching movies. But there was an unopened bottle of Riesling in the fridge that we (ok, my sister and I) wanted to open. Then we realized we had no corkscrew in the house. Being the scrappy folk we are, my dad picked through my mom’s craft cabinet for screws and pliers and my sister grabbed a knife and an ice pick.

We quickly realized that the ice pick wouldn’t work and resorted to screws and pliers for the most effective method of cork removal. The first try revealed that a longer screw would be needed, and after tightening the screw into the cork using a knife…

…my dad used the pliers to pull the cork out. Success!!

Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, and I guess it’s only fitting since we started the Christmas season drinking. 🙂

Deck the Halls

Posted on by Megan

I love everything about the Holidays. The music, the food, and the family time. The decor.

Every year, my family begins decorating for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving.

We deck our old Victorian home’s halls with mistletoe balls.

We hang our needlepoint stockings on the mantle with care.

We set up the Christmas Village which my mom collected over several years.

We hang the tatted and crocheted snowflakes our Great-Aunt Lila and Great-Grandmother Ruth made for us for every birthday, anniversary, and holiday until they passed away.

We give the Baby Jesus his first sip of wine.

Oh wait, that’s so my sister and I can make it through decorating with our parents. [I kid, I kid.]

Every year, memories of decorating for Christmases past flood my mind. In fact, one of my earliest childhood memories is from this treasured time and involves the song, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams.

I was probably 2 or 3 and wearing a navy peacoat and saddle oxfords. My hair was probably in braided pigtails tied with red ribbon (courtesy of my mom), and we were decorating the house for Christmas just as we always have.

We keep the majority of our Christmas decorations in a closet under the stairs and my dad was in charge of getting out all of the boxes. Being Daddy’s Little Girl, I decided he needed help taking the decorations out of their boxes and putting them in their appropriate location.

God help him – my dad’s 6’8″ frame has had to contort to fit into a less than 3 ft tall space, in order to get all of our decorations out, for as long as I can remember. Well, until this year, when my sister took over this chore.

First was the box of Christmas lights for the front of our house. I pushed that big box down the hallway and out the door to the porch. Then came the garland box, which also got pushed outside. Next, was our stuffed animal head of Rudolph [I swear it’s not as brutal looking as it sounds] that we normally hang on the wall by the kitchen, but that year, I decided it should be displayed prominently on the front porch. The same went for the fabric Santa wall hanging, as it also got taken to the front porch.

Eventually, almost every item from every Christmas decor box and almost every item from that downstairs closet got taken to the front porch – including an old wooden tennis racket that was lying near the boxes by the closet door.

Apparently, I thought the Baby Jesus and Santa would enjoy playing tennis together.

My Christmas Playlist

Posted on by Megan

It should come as no surprise that I’m a music junkie and the Holidays are no different. Many songs make me nostalgic (go figure), while others simply provide yet another great beat to which I can bop my head. I’ve got classics from when my parents were kids and instrumental standards, holiday inspired rap and 80’s-style pop. Every. single. song. fills me with the spirit of Christmas.

It’s taken me a while to build up a Christmas music selection that I’m never sick of listening to, so I thought I’d share some of my favorite tunes with you. Happy Holidays!

Click the record below to listen to the playlist whenever you want to feel festive! 

The Advent Wreath

Posted on by Megan

The season of Advent is upon us.

It’s the time of year when families around the globe, who observe the liturgical calendar, gather in preparation for the celebration of the birth of Jesus at Christmas.

A time where families gather in church fellowship halls to build their own Wreath, which they will place prominently in their homes and light as a family throughout the weeks leading up to Christmas.

A time for Joy, Peace, Love and Hope.

A time when parents are full of joy because their children are able to light the candles of the Wreath in an environment of love and peace. Or, in the case of my parents, hopeful that their daughters would light the candles in an environment of love and peace.

You see, one year my sister and I weren’t so, um, loving or peaceful during the lighting of the candles. In fact, we had a bit of a tiff over whose turn it was to read the devotional and whose turn it was to light the candles.

And this tiff?

Well, let’s just say that in ended in a – ahem – well lit Advent Wreath.

As in, we set our family’s Advent Wreath on fire.
image via Jer86 on Flickr

White Elephant

Posted on by Megan

One of my old teams at work held a gift exchange at Christmas. The idea was that half of us would bring white elephant gifts and the other half would bring nice gifts – while staying within a budget of $20. I was tasked with bringing a white elephant gift and decided it would be best to look at local “junk stores” and flea markets to find the perfect gift. I spent hours looking before hitting the white elephant jackpot.

High on a shelf hidden amongst lots’o’junk, I saw it. The PERFECT white elephant gift. A HUGE figurine of a carousel horse, I’m talking at least 3 feet tall and 3 feet wide. It was painted in pastel shades of pink and purple, had fake pearls stuck all over, glitter accents, tulle wrapped around the base and neck, and a fantastically shiny gold pole going up the middle, along with a gold horn on its head.

It. Was. Ugly.

And, because it was so huge, finding a way to wrap it that made it look like a nice gift proved difficult, I had to creatively tape boxes together before gingerly wrapping it up and topping it with the prettiest bow I could make.

The next day, I hauled it to the party, and placed it in the gift pile. I was beside myself with excitement to see who would be the lucky recipient. We drew numbers to see in what order we would pick (or steal) our gifts and the fun began. About mid-way through, someone finally picked my gift, opened it carefully, and looked shell-shocked when they realized what they had just received.

It. Was. Classic.

Then they wanted to know who in tarnation brought the gift and why.

I explained, through fits of giggles, that I spent hours at all the various junk stores and flea markets in town looking for the perfect white elephant gift, and when I saw the unicorn I had to have it – because it was just so ugly and no one would possibly want it. Just as I finish my explanation another co-worker excitedly pipes up and says, “My sister loves unicorns. She collects those figurines!! She’ll love it!” Inevitably she steals the white elephant gift to regift to her sister.

And me? 2 years later, I’m still working on pulling my foot out of my mouth…

Thank You

Posted on by Megan

Dear Faithful Blog Readers,

[all 3 of you]

In the spirit of Thanksgiving – thanks!

Thanks for falling for my shameless self-promotion via Twitter and Facebook. Thanks for reading my senseless southern ramblings. Thanks for commenting on, sharing, and retweeting posts you enjoyed.

Thanks for allowing me to be myself through my writing.

I can only hope that my blog provides you with a glimmer into my life as a mid-20s, born and bred, Razorback-obsessed, Southern gal, while educating you on the art of cheese dip, bringing a smile to your face, and, above all, giving you a laugh when you need it most.

Thanks for your loyalty. Because of you, in just 11 short months, my lil’ old blog has had 2,213 hits.

I guess you really do like me!