Full disclosure? It’s rare that Adam and I don’t see eye to eye about something, I guess we’re lucky in that regard. But this week? Notsomuch.
You see, we are huge Razorback fans and have a shared dream of a tailgating vehicle. Originally our dream was to find an old University of Arkansas Transit bus or school bus, but given the difficult game parking scenarios on campus – not to mention the gas bill – we have decided to forgo that option. For now.
Since this realization, we have been brainstorming other ideas. First, I thought we could convert an old VW Bus. I had the whole plan in my head, it was going to be amazing. That is, until Adam’s brother reminded us that they are rear engine and crushed my dreams.
Then, I had the idea to save up and buy one of those pimped out Ultimate Tailgater trailers. I mean, have you seen these things?
They smoke your BBQ. While. You. Drive. For serious. And they come with 3 TVs, surround sound, refrigerator/freezer, taps for beer and soft drinks, and much more. It’s PERFECT. However, the price tag deters us. As do the university tailgating restrictions for our parking lot. But it’s ok, there are other options, right?
According to Adam, YES!
We could buy an ambulance and convert it to the “Razorback Fanbulance”. In theory it’s perfect. You can buy used ambulances for next to nothing on eBay – I’m talking $255 and they already have a/c power adapters so we can sink the majority of the budget into tech-ing it out (him) and making it super cute (me). There’s only one problem with this vehicle: most likely someone DIED there.
Adam isn’t convinced though, as he responded, “They probably would appreciate you partying in the ambulance. Joy out of heartache.”
Responses like this will become my forever in one month.
Or, we could buy a 15 passenger van and take out the bench seating. Build a party deck on top and attach a grill to the back end. Put a little seating inside and install TVs on either side. He was so excited about the party deck that I called him a frat boy and he immediately began to pop his collar.
Someone please help. I need ideas. Ones that don’t involve death or wannabe frat boy dreams…
And if we choose yours? You’ll get invited to the first official tailgate in our dream tailgating machine.
Until this gets resolved we’ll be picking up pizza and tailgating from a Coleman folding picnic table – like amateurs. Woo Pig Sooie!
[or: Why you should never skimp on a statue budget]
Saturday night my dear friend Sarah IM’d me about a certain sports discussion board thread had gained her attention for over an hour.
Over an hour? Really?
I needed such a distraction because Adam had just left on a Transatlantic flight to Ireland and my thoughts have been known to go to the worst possible scenario when I have nothing else to think about. Plus there was this thing called grad school that I’ve been known to procrastinate. So with just over an hour until the Razorbacks schooled the Gamecocks, I clicked. And oh how happy I was that I did, because you just can’t make this crap up.
First, Sarah directed me to this: New Longhorns Legend Walk
Basically, directly behind University of Texas Co-Op a Legends Walk of the most legendary Longhorn athletes has been constructed.
Sounds grand enough, right?
Upon closer inspection you’ll notice that (based on the sport) every. single. statue. is exactly the same, except for skin color. Same facial features even. And if you’re a basketball legend you’re lucky enough to look somewhat like Michael Jordan, and, in some cases, a white Michael Jordan. Or, if you’re lucky enough you might even get a wig! I mean, how awesome is THAT?
The discussion board thread that stole her attention for over an hour can be found here: UT Football, Basketball, Baseball & Golf statues behind Co-op
As you scroll through the 20 some odd pages you’ll see that people started creating Photoshop mashups of the statues in various scenarios, which got our wheels turning. Sarah and I started thinking of movie scenes, posters and pictures to put the statues in. I’d surprise her with a few ideas of my own and email my photoshopped masterpiece to her or she’d send me a picture link and I’d get to work on it, since she didn’t have Photoshop.
We continued this exercise all through the second half of the Razorback game and came up with what we thought were genius ideas. So genius in fact, that we found a similar thread on WooPig.net to post our creations on.
It’s possible that you don’t visit WooPig.net, or are too lazy to click through and find these lovely masterpieces. I totally understand, because who has time to find and read random sports discussion boards? Apparently Sarah and I do.
These Photoshop masterpieces deserve to be shared with the Interwebs.
At least in our opinion they do.
Before I share these, I need to say thanks to the UT Co-Op:
Thanks for funding the most hideous statues in the history of sports statues. This Hog fan sure loves an excuse to laugh at your expense. And yes, I’m fully aware the SWC no longer exists, but my parents raised me right.