Southern

Dallas: Final Reflections

Posted on by Megan

I’ll be the first to admit that I was a bit nervous about going on a weekend trip with someone I met on Twitter over a year ago, later friended on Facebook, and spent a collective three, maybe four, IRL (In Real Life) hours with. I mean, I knew we shared a similar sense of sarcastic humor and neither one of us take ourselves too seriously; we both just go with the flow. At least, that’s what I gathered from our Twitter and Facebook statuses. So I hoped for the best, and had a slight fear of the worst.

Why was I worried? Because we are so.much.alike.

We have blogged simultaneously, have unknowingly (well, until one of us posts it on Facebook) listened to the same song at the same time and share an affinity for Anthropologie. Maybe our strong similarities would be too much. Maybe halfway to Dallas I’d want to jump ship…because someone’s driving on the shoulder.

Thankfully, I was wrong.

Except for the shoulder part.

We had a blast! We laughed and gabbed the whole trip. We found even more similarities between us, such as our love for vintage signage, vintage furniture, the houses of Highland Park, Italian food and perfectly tailored designer clothing works of art we can’t afford.

It almost felt like we were old friends. Jen Lancaster even asked if we were sisters. We just meshed. As far as I know, I didn’t get on her nerves – I mean, she’s still texting me – and she sure as heck didn’t get on mine.

So I guess the moral of this trip is that you really CAN become IRL friends through Twitter. Who’d a thunk it?

And Noelle? Thanks to your super cute Jen Lancaster approved skirt and shorts, you’ve now made me OBSESSED with bold print skirts and shorts.

(yeah, we’ve got that in common, too)

Up in SMOKE

Posted on by Megan

Day 3

[click here to see Day 1]

[click here to see Day 2]

For me, the highlight of our trip to the “Big D” was a happy accident. On a whim, and at the recommendation of one of Noelle’s friends, we drove over to North Oak Cliff in Dallas to have brunch at SMOKE. We didn’t know much about the restaurant, except that their pancakes were to die for.

Well, lemme tell you. Only three little words can describe the meal I had.

Oh.My.Gawd!

As soon as Noelle pulled into the parking lot I had a feeling we were in for a treat. I immediately felt transported to another era, because SMOKE is a part of the adjacent vintage motor-lodge The Belmont Hotel. As such, the architecture was spectacular and the scenery breathtaking. It also didn’t hurt that the aroma in the air was scrumptious. My mouth was watering even before we stepped foot in the door.

I’m not sure what I was expecting when I entered the restaurant, but what I opened the door to was a pleasant surprise. In a word, the restaurant was Texas. It was perfectly decorated with everything you’ve ever associated with Texas style – casual, vintage, cozy, and stylish. Plus, when the hostess seating you is wearing slightly torn jeans and boots, you know you’ve picked the right spot. It was? Impeccable.

We were seated next to the fireplace at a table for two and immediately eyed drinks we had to try. Noelle picked the Bluebonnet – a mixology she’s STILL combing the Internet for – and I chose The Icepick – which contained my favorite Sweet Tea Vodka in the world. Hands down, it was the best cocktail I have ever tasted: citrusy, southern and refreshing. I can’t wait to recreate it at home this summer.

As we looked over the menu, Noelle decided to go with the recommendation of her friend and ordered the pancakes, while I decided to try out their made to order omelet. I’ll let Noelle speak to her dish, but as far as omelets go, this was the best I’ve ever had. The fluffy eggs were stuffed with spinach, cheddar cheese, tomatoes and pork andouille shredded sausage. Additionally, my omelet was served with a side salad tossed in SMOKE’s own Radish Vinaigrette dressing, which I could easily have drank by the gallon. It was THAT good.

We both also ordered a biscuit and side of bacon. May I just say that this biscuit was the biggest biscuit I have ever seen, and I enjoyed every.last.bite. Additionally, the bacon? Oh, the BACON. It was at least a quarter inch thick, cooked and seasoned to perfection – I’m talking better than Petit Jean perfection (Arkansans, please don’t disown me) and caused me to feel guilty for not being able to finish my serving – I barely ate one piece! I even joked that we should take what bacon we didn’t eat to go and enjoy on the way back to Arkansas. Thanks to the bacon, our relationship came full circle at SMOKE.

Biggest.Biscuit.Ever.

Thickest and Tastiest Pork Belly Bacon Ever.

After stuffing ourselves to the brim at SMOKE, we decided to walk around the grounds of the Belmont Hotel. It literally felt like an alternate universe there. The vibe felt very Palm Springs and I even commented that I felt like I was at The Parker [based on my limited knowledge thanks to Bravo]. We walked up the hill from SMOKE to the lobby entrance and there it was: a pristine vintage Thunderbird convertible. I was in Heaven.

Then? I entered the hotel lobby and saw the stairs. The tile-trimmed stairs. My heart skipped a beat, or 10.

As I rounded the corner of the lobby, meandered through the bar, and walked out on the back patio I encountered what I have declared the most perfect view of the Dallas skyline on this trip. Though, sadly, this picture doesn’t it do the view justice – blame the photographer [aka moi]. Just pretend the skyline continues out to the right of this picture and imagine yourself sitting on the patio, sipping an Icepick and reading Jen Lancaster’s latest book. Stopping occasionally to take in the perfectly overgrown yet maintained flowerbeds, colorful mosaic walkway and the idyllic Dallas skyline in a single glimpse. I can’t wait to go back.

Then we walked down the stairs off the patio and back up to the top of the hill, where more rooms were located, each turn and incline leading to a more incredible view than the last and each step begging me never to leave. The perfectly unadorned architecture continued throughout with pops of vibrant colors appearing in outdoor furniture and hotel room doors.

Then we reached the pool. I have no words and I’ve run out of adjectives so I’ll let these pictures do the talking…

Unfortunately, we realized that we  eventually had to head back to reality and decided to begin our short trek back to the car. After we passed the final Bar Belmont sign, I knew this weekend of complete perfection was quickly coming to an end.

We had only two more stops to make: We Are 1976 and Sprinkles. Or, at least we thought we did, until we saw this:

The yard of this pepto-colored house was jumbled with all types of vintage chairs and we just had to make the block and see what was inside. Turns out the house appears to be under the ownership of four very nice Hispanic men, all of whom appeared to be straight as the day is long and share a common bond in refinishing diamonds in the rough. Every style and condition of vintage chair could be found in this house, along with a plethora of fantastic fabric options and paint finishes. If only I had a house to decorate.

One day, right Adam? 🙂

Final Reflections post to come…

Shelving & Shoes & Signs, oh my!

Posted on by Megan

Day 2

[click here to see Day 1]

Saturday, I introduced Noelle to the shoe Heaven that is Nordstrom Rack. (It only took us 3 doors and 2 stairwells to find our way out of the parking garage…) Nordstrom Rack was having their one day only Large Size Shoe Event which I typically have great luck at, but, sadly, the selection for my size was a bit meager in Dallas. Noelle, on the other hand, had great luck finding gorgeous shoes – most of which were black sandals. 🙂

After browsing through some other shops, we headed off to meet Adam and his brother at IKEA so Noelle could buy some shelving units. Miraculously, we were in and out of IKEA in under an hour and a half! We’re so efficient. We Adam and his brother loaded the shelves into our car and off we headed to an uneventful lunch at Corner Bakery.

Adam channeled his inner Devo in IKEA

After lunch, we said our goodbyes and Noelle and I headed to NorthPark. Essentially, Mecca for shopaholics. We waltzed in and out of stores, fondled handbags we couldn’t afford – Balenciaga for me, Cole Haan for Noelle, swooned over the works of art in Carolina Herrera – and the Argentinean salesman, and obsessed over everything in Kate Spade. Life was grand.

MY Balenciaga Seashore Damier Tote

That evening, we decided to take a walking photography tour of downtown Dallas. May I just say that I fell in LOVE with the downtown? It’s so retro, yet modern and I just ate it up!

After a few blocks, we encountered the getaway of a newlywed couple outside of a hotel. We stopped to watch as the sweet couple were escorted out of the hotel by a trumpet and saxophone playing “When the Saints Go Marching In”. We watched as they said their goodbyes and hugged their families and I teared up a bit knowing that in just a few months that will be me. It was so sweet and so happy.

As we continued to meander through downtown, we came across lots of awesome vintage neon signs and learned that we have a mutual appreciation for them.

There was also an incident with a security guard in a bank building, because Noelle wanted a picture of the lobby chandelier. He left his desk in the lobby to come outside and tell us that because we were on the same side of the street as the building we couldn’t take straight up pictures of buildings.

His reasoning? Heightened security after 9/11.

My response to his reasoning? Yeah, we look like the typical terrorists.

Day 3 to come…

I MET JEN LANCASTER!!!!

Posted on by Megan

This weekend, I went to Dallas with someone I met on the Internet. Twitter to be specific. I came back alive.

Let’s start at the very beginning – a very good place to start…

Noelle and I met on Twitter. I thought the tweet that sparked this friendship referenced my father’s grocery store and how I always choose self-checkout in stores for the nostalgia, but I’d be lying. In fact, the first tweet conversation I could find was about a kid who loves bacon. Which would prove prophetic for this trip…

Several months ago, when our favorite author, Jen Lancaster, posted the book tour for her newest book, “If You Were Here”, and I saw that she was going to come to Dallas, I innocently recommended that we road trip it for the weekend. I never thought it would actually happen, but it did and I’m ecstatic! We decided to make it a long weekend full of shopping and eating with no regard to calories.

Day 1

We found an awesome boutique hotel called Hotel Indigo, that was pretty much a beach cottage in the heart of downtown Dallas. Upon arrival, and after a brief stint wherein Noelle drove on the shoulder of the interstate, the bellman asked if he could help us with our luggage. “Yes,” we replied. Quickly followed by Noelle saying, “Don’t forget the tripod!” Because who DOESN’T need a tripod when staying in a hotel room with someone you met on Twitter? [She actually wanted a good night shot of our room’s view]

We loved our blueberry room with pineapple bedding and polka dot couch and didn’t even mind the lack of hot water early Saturday morning. Wait, I should rephrase that…Noelle didn’t mind the lack of hot water Saturday morning. I had hot water, as it came back on right after she finished getting ready.

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Cutest. Hotel. Ever!

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Friday night, after we had checked into the hotel, we headed to…

Meet.Jen.Lancaster!!!

Noelle had called earlier in the week to reserve books and signing tickets for us. Group “A” tickets! Let me just say, the Lincoln Park Barnes & Noble rocked! They were very accommodating to us since we drove from out-of-state for the signing.

We arrived at the signing about 45 minutes before it was scheduled to begin and people-watched/eavesdropped on the conversations around us. An employee came around to get personalization information for the signing, the majority of folks, including us, just wanted their name.

Everyone except the woman two seats down from us. She had approximately four tattoos about Jesus and religion on her arms and one on her calf. When the employee asked her how she wanted Jen to personalize her book she responded, “Promise we’ll best friends for infinity and beyond.”

Then there were the stalker/brown-nosers of the group who brought Jen plaid gift-wrapped boxes and luxury lotions. Yeah, you guys suck, even if you were carrying a gorgeous Michael Kors handbag and wore a fantabulous green and turquoise dress.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t convince [incredibly gorgeous, super-sweet, and hilarious] Jen to grab dinner and drinks with us that night [had she obliged, I’m certain WE would have become her best friends for infinity and beyond], but we still enjoyed a great meal at Maggiano’s Little Italy in NorthPark – where we were seated in a cozy and slightly romantic semi-circular booth.

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Martini nightcap…

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Days 2 and 3 to come…

A Like Totally Awesome Surprise!

Posted on by Megan

I love parties and I love the 80s.

So it should come as no shock that I loved helping my co-workers put together a huge surprise bash to celebrate another co-worker’s 30-year service anniversary with an 80s themed prom (She started working for my company in 1981). For several months we held secret meetings, schemed behind her back, tossed around ideas, put together a guest list, designed the invites and divided and conquered. Every sneaky step of the way I smiled. It’s such a good feeling knowing that I’m doing something nice for someone else; something that, hopefully, made her day and showed just how much we appreciate her and enjoy working with her!!

Let’s get into the details of this shindig, shall we? First up, the invites – designed by yours truly:

Then came other graphic posters put up around the room to set the tone – also designed by yours truly:

I couldnt resist a good "9 to 5" reference 🙂

Lucky for us, our co-worker was on vacation for the 2 weeks leading up to the party. This allowed 2 of us to rummage through her unlocked desk drawers -she’ll never trust us again – and find pictures over her 30 years of service. We then took the pictures and cut basic geometric shapes out of fluorescent poster board to act as mats and placed them on tables around the room.

Every party needs a guest book, so here’s what we came up with for ours:

Oh yes, thats Rick Springfield

4 of us also took a trip to the local Salvation Army in hopes of finding a prom dress fit for a queen – and did we ever! Here’s the honored guest in her gown and sash.

And here’s a close-up of the sash, because nothing says “the 80s” like polka dots!

Here’s a shot of the dance floor decor, in all it’s 80s glory. Heck yes we boogied down to classic 80s “Pop Musik”!

I loved the metallic accents - they just screamed tacky 80s Prom!

What’s a party without cake? The co-worker in charge of getting the cake did a phenomenal job! [from Patticakes]

Yummy!!!

Finally, I’ll leave you with a few pictures of the 80s fashion that appeared.

I just love a good power suit, with shoulder pads. But I skipped the nude hose :).

Year in Review

Posted on by Megan

Last year around this time, I wrote a year in review post full of random observations and comparisons about my life. What better time than a rainy, dreary Saturday to write the 2011 version? Plus, after 2 Jazzercise classes this morning – umm, Ballet Body is no joke! – and trying to make a substantial dent in my DVR, which is happily sitting at 92% full right now, I figure I could use a little mental and creative stimulation!

I now present 2010 vs. 2011 (thus far)…

  • 2010: Cars with random sayings written on their back window should be taken off the road. Today’s quote? “Porno Country” written in white shoe polish.
    2011: I’m sooo over drivers who drive slower than the posted speed. 10 in a 30 is not ok, but thanks for finally getting out of my way.
  • 2010: I dabbled in designing my own stationery this year. I had 5 clients.
    2011: I’m obsessed with the gorgeous clipart from pugly pixel! You’ll find that a lot of them are used throughout my blog 🙂
  • 2010:  Watching Food Network in bed is the best way to unwind and head to dreamland.
    2011:   I received an iPad for Christmas (Thanks, Adam!). I now drift off into dreamland playing Mahjong.
  • 2010: Season 9 of American Idol was horribly over-hyped. Can we just go ahead and give Crystal Bowersox the title?
    2011:  What season is it this year?
  • 2010: Ellen DeGeneres is the newest American Idol judge. Watch out, she’s about to take over the World.
    2011: Ellen never fails to make me laugh, then cry, then laugh again as I watch her talk show.
  • 2010: Using “tweet” as a verb is acceptable, so is using “tweep” as a noun.
    2011:  Umm, “OMG” was just added to the Oxford Dictionary. I feel like everything I learned in English class was a lie.
  • 2010: Watching crazy housewives act like high school mean girls [or mafia members] all season and then meet up for a reunion long after the filming has wrapped is good television.
    2011: Does anyone else see something wrong with Jim and Alexis’ relationship or is it just me? So. Wrong. Give her a voice and get your own dang orange juice, puh-lease.
  • 2010: Long, late night phone calls/video chats with your boyfriend, who moved 8 hours away last May, are my favorite way to end a long day.
    2011:  Ditto, but in a little over 6.5 months we will be married! And living in the same zipcode – yet to be determined.
  • 2010: My iPhone is my single greatest investment ever. How did I survive without it? [see also: Words with Friends]
    2011:  The iPad is the single greatest invention ever. It’s practically attached to my hip when I’m at home. Is there anything it can’t do?
  • 2010: Despite hearing how cheesy it is or remembering the unfortunate neon leotards from the 80′s that many still [wrongly] associate with it, Jazzercise is the single best workout I’ve ever done, not to mention the only one I’ve stuck with for over 4 months without complaint. I? LOVE. IT!
    2011:  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m obsessed with Jazzercise so much that it’s been mentioned on my blog at least 7 times. I will stop you in the street and tell you about it, if you’ll let me. LOVE. IT!
  • 2010: Twitter is how I make it through my work day.
    2011:  Try as I might to not get sucked into the addiction that is Twitter, I’ve failed. And I sometimes clog my followers feeds with senseless live tweets for pageants, award shows and documentaries about ferrets. Truly sorry, y’all!
  • 2010: Since when did Facebook become the place for High School “spirit weeks”. I don’t care about the color of your underwear, your birthplace, or the celebrity you most resemble. What happened to original status updates??
    2011:  The Social Network was the best movie of the last year hands down. I wonder how many of the applications and games Zuckerberg uses on his profile and if he’s one of those every 5 minute updaters?
  • 2010: Cupcakes from Cupcakes on Kavanaugh are a delectable treat.
    2011:  Gelato for ZAZA makes me happy, especially Honey Yogurt.
  • 2010: Why have I not seen “This Is It”? <—- Still true, one year later.
    2011: Why have I not seen “Gone with the Wind”?
  • 2010: Jazzercise is my new [and hopefully permanent] stress relief.
    2011:  A day without Jazzercise most often leads to a less perky version of myself. Need. It.
  • 2010: Girls’ nights, with friends you can be truly yourself around, are few and far between.
    2011:  Still true, but I’m basking in my solo life since it will soon be coming to an end. Then I get to annoy Adam every. single. day. with my perkiness, random thoughts, and Bravo reality shows!! I know he’s excited.
  • 2010:  Despite how much of a mistake they were in the 90′s, Hammer Pants are back. Did we not learn anything?
    2011:  Did you hear? Fanny packs are coming back. Which reminds me of the neon green one I wore on family vacations in the early 90s. I think it had “Marlboro” or some other brand of cigarette written across the front. My dad was a grocer and I was the walking underage billboard for cigarettes. [No one in my family smokes]
  • 2010: Did I mention I’m going to my favorite beach this summer?!?!?!
    2011:  Did I mention I’m getting MARRIED in October?!?! CAN. NOT. WAIT!

Engagement Pictures

Posted on by Megan

It’s been just over a week since Adam and I met with the fabulous Karen Segrave McCall, owner of KES Weddings, to shoot our engagement pictures. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about how the shoot would go down, because I really wanted the pictures to reflect our personalities without looking posed or fake.

Can I just tell you how lucky we got? Not only was Karen able to capture our personalities flawlessly in the pictures, but she also made sure that we had input on shots every step of the way! It was such fun traipsing about Little Rock with her for two and a half hours to find settings that “fit” with us.

The biggest surprise came to us Sunday morning, less than 24 hours later, when I checked my email and saw that she had already made our proofs available to look through. I immediately opened them up and started swooning. They were full of emotion, laughter, love and joy and we couldn’t be happier!

Karen has been so sweet to allow me to share some of my favorites with you. So, without further ado, I present our engagement pictures.

I can’t recommend Karen highly enough if you are in the market for a wedding photographer. I’m so excited to see what she captures for my bridal portraits and at our wedding!

all images via Karen Segrave McCall|KES Weddings

Our House

Posted on by Megan

Lately I’ve found myself driving around town and making up stories about the inhabitants of random houses.

That craftsman house I pass almost daily: I bet the owners are close to retirement age. They have grown children and are soon expecting their first grandchild. Their home is cheerful, filled to the brim with memories of the life they’ve led. They host bridge once a week, playing around the same table where they helped their children with homework.

That small wood-frame home with a carport: A widow lives there. The same home she built with her husband while raising their children in the 60s. She spends most of her time in 1 room: the kitchen, because that’s where most of her memories took place. She remembers her son’s burnt batch of brownies and the crowded Thanksgiving dinners. She finds herself staring at the same refrigerator where her children’s grades were proudly displayed.

That friendly 2-story brick house in a sub-division I discovered on a random jaunt about town: I’m positive it’s home to a young family with 2 elementary aged children. The interior is modern yet inviting, the refrigerator covered in art projects and A+ homework assignments. The backyard filled with toys.

What I’ve realized in these daydreams is that every family I make up in my head is happy, loving, and supportive. They are warm and welcoming and exude Southern hospitality. Their homes are well-decorated, each piece of furniture placed lovingly in position and each photo on the wall capturing a moment in time that they treasure.

Maybe it’s because I’m newly engaged that I think about these things. Maybe it’s what happens when a bride-to-be starts to dream about her own house and new family. Whatever the reason, it’s given me focus.

Focus to create a home that is welcoming, warm and full of love. A home that is a reflection of the personalities which inhabit it. A family that cherishes memories, laughs together and plays games together.

A family who makes memories in the kitchen.

image via Orange Blossom Society

Shake, Rattle, and Roll

Posted on by Megan

Earthquakes have been kind of the “thing” to talk about around these here parts, because over the past week Arkansas has experienced 54 of them. People have clogged up my Twitter and Facebook feeds with statuses asking who else felt the most recent one, how big the last one was, and if anyone knew the cause of the sudden surge we’ve experienced. I’ve yet to get worked up about the quakes since I haven’t felt one, but that all changed last night…

After spending all afternoon watching the Oscars, I got ready for bed as I normally do – washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on my PJs and turned on my newly installed bedroom ceiling fan – thank you apartment upgrades! Then I went to weigh myself, because I had forgotten to do so earlier in the day [I knew I’d be setting myself up for disappointment weighing at night, but I did it anyway].

And that’s when the earth shook.

Let me tell you, there is NOTHING more disconcerting than stepping on a scale at the exact same moment you are experiencing your first earthquake.

Someone has a cruel sense of humor.

**********

There are reports that we will continue to feel aftershocks over the next week, which got me to thinking…

Who’s to say Arkansas doesn’t have this to look forward to over the next few weeks?

A Kitchen Experiment

Posted on by Megan

If you know me in real life, or are a regular reader of my blog, chances are you’ve either read about my mother’s famous Dishpan Cookies (aka Crack Cookies) or tried them for yourself and agreed.

Cookies

Well, kids. Hold on to your seats, because you’re in for a treat! Tonight? I created Dishpan Muffins. Yep, you read right. Muffins!

Last week I ran across a recipe for Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie Muffins on the blog How Sweet It Is. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had a solid foundation from which to create my version: Dishpan Muffins.

I mixed and measured. Poured and baked. Cooled and ate. And upon trying my first bite I referred to myself as a culinary genius.

Obviously, I don’t have self-esteem problems.

These muffins are moist, sweet, and have a lovely hint of spice to them. Promise me you’ll make them immediately, okay?

Promise?

Good.

Dishpan Muffins
inspired by How Sweet It Is

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1/3 cup brown sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 cup butter, at room temperature
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 cup milk (any kind will do)
  • 1 cup chocolate chips
  • 1/3 cup coconut
  • 1/3 cup cornflakes + a little extra for sprinkling on top
  • Raw turbinado sugar (optional)

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350.
  2. Add oats to a bowl and add milk. Let soak for 5-10 minutes, while you prepare the first few steps of the muffins.
  3. In a large bowl, combine egg and brown sugar and whisk until smooth and caramel in color.
  4. Add in vanilla and butter, whisking well. Try to smooth the batter as much as possible – there still may be some small butter chunks.
  5. Add flour, oat mixture, baking soda, salt and cinnamon and mix until smooth.
  6. Fold in chocolate chips, coconut, and cornflakes .
  7. Line a muffin tin with liners and pour about 1/4 cup batter into each line.
  8. Sprinkle the tops with raw turbinado sugar and slightly crushed cornflakes
  9. Bake for 15-18 minutes, or until cooked through.

Yield: 15 muffins

English as a Third Language (ETL)

Posted on by Megan

For the last few months, I’ve volunteered my time as a literacy tutor at the local library. The students vary from native English speakers to immigrants – all of whom need to learn how to communicate and read for their job and day to day life. It’s been a rewarding experience for me and something I look forward to every week. I work with my student on sight words during each session, then switch into reading short stories from the provided literature.

Usually, I’ll go through the cabinets before my tutoring session begins to find a story for my student to read. Something that is on his level but also still challenges him. Two weeks ago I just happened to glance at the ESL (English as a Second Language) shelf and noticed a book titled A Field Guide to Southern Speech – A twelve-gauge lexicon for the duck blind, the deer stand, the skeet shoot, the bass boot, and the backyard bar-b que.

I kid you not.

I was flabbergasted. Not only because it was in the ESL shelf, but because it was stacked with the legitimate textbooks, not in the nonexistent joke and riddle book stack. Looking past the blantant misspelling of Arkansas (and every other southern state) on the cover, I discreetly placed the book in my purse to protect the innocent and examine further at home.

Now I wished I never had.

I know, as Southerners, many of us have a sort of slang that we use to communicate with our close friends and family. My slang has been known to be riddled with “fixin’ to” and “y’all”, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to teach an ESL student those words right off the bat. I also wish the worst word/phrase in this book was “ain’t”, but it’s not.

I weep for the students that possibly could have been taught English with this book and here’s some examples why:

chill wrens: young humans.

poultry: rhythmic, often rhyming verse

cain’t: contraction of can and ain’t.

toe up: extremely upset, overwrought.

hottern: a measure of relative warmth.

sea gulls: observe women.

yearn: not mine.

hyar: not thar.

narrow: ammunition for a bonarrow.

warsh: clean with soap and water.

dade: deceased.

yawl: second person plural pronoun. There is no singular.

Forget English.

Southern: It’s your second language.